A boy, some butt cancer, and a dream...

A Boy:
I was born circa 1965 in the dusty farm town of Fargo, North Dakota to a sharecropper and a high falutin socialite who's family made their millions in the volatile world of the manure industry. It wasn't easy growing up in a 3 room apartment over one of the most notorious pubs in the 14 county tri-metro. Through the love of a couple of hundred, make that thousands, of good women I was able to rise up out of this putrid existence to become one of the most prolific scorers, both on and off the court, in North Dakota High School basketball history. This hardscrabble upbringing prepared me well for the mediocrity I have achieved in a sales career lasting over 20 years.

Some butt cancer:
I just finished week 2 of radiation and chemo. 4 more weeks to go, followed by 6 weeks of rest. I then have surgery, followed by 6 weeks of rest and then a month of twice a week chemo. So far, I really can't complain. I've felt kind of cruddy at times, my level of tired is off the charts, butt all in all we're doing ok. The continued kindnesses remain humbling!! You are truly a blessing to us, and I'm not even a religious freak! It's probably gonna get a little tougher with the treatment soon, butt the doctor said that extra hugs and staring at hot chicks helps, so "lil' help" if you don't mind!

A Dream:
I had a dream the other night that I got hit by a bus. Two thoughts crossed my mind as the bus approached...the first was that I hoped it was painless. The second thought was why is Shelly smiling, and when did she learn to drive a bus!?!?

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My heroes you'll be
Dan

Ass tats

Well, I have finally been able to fulfill a lifelong dream of mine. I got my first tattoos! They are 3 dots by my butt that tell the technicians where to fire the laser beams for my radiation...I'm gonna check this off my bucket list!! Only have "Makeout with Katy Perry" left and then I can check "Finish my bucket list" off my bucket list, and I'm done with that stupid thing!!! I had to drop my drawers....GASP...for the technicians and lay on a table for the prep work...I am positive, with my newfound super sensitive hearing ability, that I heard both the words "yummy" and "sweeeet" from the gal techs whispered as the process unfolded. I told this bit to my lil impish friend and she replied that I really don't have a nice butt!?!?....let's see....first I don't have dreamy eyes, next my butt sucks...if she tries to ruin my rep as an outstanding lover, do NOT believe her!!! We now have the plan in place to beat this insidious disease. I will be starting daily radiation, and weekly chemo on Monday the 17th. This process takes about 6 weeks. I will then have 4-6 weeks of recovery, followed by surgery and another 8 treatments of chemo, 2 a week. My doctors are confident that this is the best route to take and we agree. It has been an incredible roller coaster ride so far. I've done pretty well with the physical part, so far, butt the mental aspects have been quite challenging. I've talked to a couple people that have gone through this, and they've understood and said it is normal, so that has made me feel better. One more thing. For the last year, I have been struggling with the notion of turning 50. I kept telling a few people that I want to do something that makes a difference. Maybe just the mid life crisis thing, I don't know. Let me tell you this. Don't ever question if you have made a difference. The outpouring of support that we have been given has had an incredible affect on me. I am touched on a daily basis by an act of kindness, and I'm truly grateful for that. YOU are making a difference for me and I thank you for that!!! Noah told me the other day that his class prays for "Noah's dad" every day...after I stopped crying, and he stopped laughing, I realized how grateful I am for everyone's prayers, thoughts and hopes. If you pray, I appreciate your prayers, and if you don't pray I appreciate your hopes! Take care!!
Love,
Dan

Rump update

Well, my butt and I have a health update for all. I spoke to my surgeon yesterday, and it's been determined that I have rectal cancer (I know, right?!?!). What this means, is that I will most likely be having 3 months of chemo and daily radiation followed by surgery. I'm assuming I'll have chemo post surgery as well....yeeeehawwwww, let the fun begin!!! Truth be told, this is really pretty good news as it looks as if there has been no spread of the disease. The treatment will begin once the liver infection has been cured, hopefully in a couple weeks. I really struggled with putting the news out there, as I didn't want it to look like I was trolling for sympathy. But you know what I found out...I don't care what it looks like, and your kind words and thoughts have lifted me higher than you will ever know. It has been truly humbling! Bless you for making a huge difference in my life! On a side note, I've had heard some blowback that there may be anger at my tookus on the hardscrabble streets of the Minneapolis area. I know, as I was disappointed in my favorite feature as well. I even tried to get Shelly to agree that my eyes were "dreamy" and should be anointed as my new best feature. She replied that they aren't dreamy, so that plan kinda fell part. So it looks as if my butt will remain my best feature, but be sure, you round little sculpture of beauty, you are on notice to shape up!!!
Love,
Dan

Bloggys health...a work in progress.

I kinda realized last night that, after telling my story to a fellow parent at Sam's basketball game at TG (a crafty 1 point win that was truly epic and made me feel normal for an hour or so!!) who I just met weeks ago,that maybe I should let everybody in on what's been going on. On New Years Eve I was diagnosed with colon cancer that looked like it had spread to my liver. Obviously not one of my better days. I was in complete shock and scared beyond belief. There's the bad news, now I'll tell you the good. As I'm hearing this news I have never felt more loved by anyone in my life than I felt at that moment looking at Shelly. She has been truly heroic in her leadership in getting me better   and raising my spirits. I have shed many tears just realizing how truly blessed I am to have her by my side. The boys took the news as well as can be expected. Concerned but confident that we'll get through this. They are my pride and joy!! A week and a half ago I went in for a liver biopsy. The news was stunningly positive. The spots were caused by an infection, not cancer they believed. While I did have to stay in the hospital for 5 days on antibiotics, the trade off was well worth it!!! The staff at Regions was truly remarkable. The treatment plan is currently up in the air. It will either be 3 months of chemo and radiation, followed by surgery, or surgery followed by chemotherapy. It depends on the exact location of the cancer and how soon we can get the liver healed to some extent. We should know for sure after more tests this week. I have been truly humbled by the outpouring of well wishes that we have received. I thank each and every one of you as they have brightened my spirits and lifted me up every time. One thing that I have started telling everyone is that I love them. I will continue this even though I start to cry pretty much every time. I will try to keep you informed of how things are going via the blog in the future. Thanks again for being a part of my life!! I promise to tell a couple good stories in my next blog... The fainting at the surgeons after a "quick exam" was simply a classic!!
Love,
Dan
PS...props to Colleen and Joy for encouraging me to do this, and next time Theens are buying, I'm going filet mignon at minimum!

"64 Shades of Face Tan"....Chapter 2

He didn't want to, but new it had to be done. He pulled on his worn New Balance kicks that went well with the khaki shorts and standard white t-shirt that was a little too tight, showing of his new found rippling abs. His tank was filled with the fuel that could start only his motor running, and with the strenuous pull of the cord, his adventure began. The slow rhythmic pace only quickened as he continued...back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes the activity would seemingly last hours and, while it was wearing on him, he new that it was good, as only he could achieve the desired results. At the end it seemed as if his heart would burst as the pace quickened...back and forth, back and forth....finally with one final burst of heretofore unheard of passion and energy, he pushed and released, sending the machine that he had used flying across time, his strenuous activity finished. His final thought as he settled into his chair...."Man, I cannot wait to move into a Town home so I don't have to mow the damn lawn anymore!!!"

Initial reviews sound encouraging....

I thought you may be interested in some of the reviews "64 Shades of Face Tan" has received...

New York Times-This well crafted novella from a relative unknown could well have saved Borders Books from extinction....well done, DL, well done!!!

Borders Books Review-CRAP!!! We would still have been in business with this book flying off our shelves!!!

Coon Rapids Herald-Well folks, looks like we'll have to go through with our plans to change the name of "Main Street" to "Face Tan Boulevard"...we cannot afford to lose another of our most cherished residents to Andover or, God forbid, Maple Grove!!!

Psychology Today-While some may find certain "Shades" kinky, we can assure you they are not, and honestly, we feel that "Shade" 61 may redefine how we think of not only ourselves, but humankind as well!!

People Magazine-Move over Clooney, Pitt, Banderas and all you other poseurs...Face Tan has moved to the head of the line!!!

George Clooney Fanzine-We have suspended operations and thrown our allegiance squarely behind Face Tan, and the view from behind Face Tan is incredible!!!

Super Hot Models Magazine-Well, it looks like our hidden treasure has been revealed. We are not happy about this, and as super hotties we have our ways to keep admiring our crown jewel aka...Face Tan...while Face Tan shuffles between other hotties, we will return to our earlier stated goal of achieving world peace...remember, Face Tan, we know where you live, and really, who doesn't with that stupid looking pickup you drive with the backup beeper!!!

Conservative Right Monthly-We are not only disgusted by the success of this trash, but realize that now we have to come up with a new angle on telling people how to live their lives. We would discuss the situation further, but we have lost the pool boys number, and are opening up another bank in the Cayman Islands.

These are just some of the early reviews that I thought you may enjoy!! Central v Plymouth...5:30 in the Robbinsdale Wood Bat tourney...Catch the Fever!!!!!

64 Shades of Face Tan, a novella, by DL Hill

                                                                          CHAPTER I

It was a warm, muggy morning in the CR as Face Tan confidently strode across the diamond to retrieve the oppositions lineup for the big game. He had decided to bust out his infamous strut "Hitch in my giddy up", as not only was it a big game, but a game against the sun kissed lasses of Tonka. His "devil may care" outfit had taken him hours to put together...a fresh pair of Nike kicks, a super cool coaches polo and a freshly pressed pair of khaki cargo shorts with a too big belt that reminded no one but himself of his days as a lard ass. You could hear the fluttering heartbeats of the Tonka moms as he proceeded to strut his way to the 3rd base dugout...he knew what they were thinking..."look at those hands, must beg people to buy paint for a living"..."wow, I wish my husband didn't make so damn much money so we could move to the CR and hang out with that "Man candy"...or, his favorite, "damn, what outstanding penmanship"......he had these pretty little things wrapped tightly around his cute lil' pinkie, figuring it was time to bust out the 14 extra shades that he had cleverly come up with.....all he had to do was make it back across the field before anyone figured out his secret....he decided at that moment that the only way to go, was to moonwalk back to his side of the field, which drew cascades of laughter from the previously swooning hotties...what they didn't know, that Face Tan did know, is that his right buttock was much more bulbous, and truly his calling card, while his left buttock was, although still cute,  somewhat misshapen and lumpy.....oh well, thought Face Tan, guess I'll have to try my extra 14 shades on somebody else.....Central 9 Tonka 7!!!