"Hey Now"!!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

"64 Shades of Face Tan"....Chapter 2

He didn't want to, but new it had to be done. He pulled on his worn New Balance kicks that went well with the khaki shorts and standard white t-shirt that was a little too tight, showing of his new found rippling abs. His tank was filled with the fuel that could start only his motor running, and with the strenuous pull of the cord, his adventure began. The slow rhythmic pace only quickened as he continued...back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes the activity would seemingly last hours and, while it was wearing on him, he new that it was good, as only he could achieve the desired results. At the end it seemed as if his heart would burst as the pace quickened...back and forth, back and forth....finally with one final burst of heretofore unheard of passion and energy, he pushed and released, sending the machine that he had used flying across time, his strenuous activity finished. His final thought as he settled into his chair...."Man, I cannot wait to move into a Town home so I don't have to mow the damn lawn anymore!!!"

Friday, July 27, 2012

Initial reviews sound encouraging....

I thought you may be interested in some of the reviews "64 Shades of Face Tan" has received...

New York Times-This well crafted novella from a relative unknown could well have saved Borders Books from extinction....well done, DL, well done!!!

Borders Books Review-CRAP!!! We would still have been in business with this book flying off our shelves!!!

Coon Rapids Herald-Well folks, looks like we'll have to go through with our plans to change the name of "Main Street" to "Face Tan Boulevard"...we cannot afford to lose another of our most cherished residents to Andover or, God forbid, Maple Grove!!!

Psychology Today-While some may find certain "Shades" kinky, we can assure you they are not, and honestly, we feel that "Shade" 61 may redefine how we think of not only ourselves, but humankind as well!!

People Magazine-Move over Clooney, Pitt, Banderas and all you other poseurs...Face Tan has moved to the head of the line!!!

George Clooney Fanzine-We have suspended operations and thrown our allegiance squarely behind Face Tan, and the view from behind Face Tan is incredible!!!

Super Hot Models Magazine-Well, it looks like our hidden treasure has been revealed. We are not happy about this, and as super hotties we have our ways to keep admiring our crown jewel aka...Face Tan...while Face Tan shuffles between other hotties, we will return to our earlier stated goal of achieving world peace...remember, Face Tan, we know where you live, and really, who doesn't with that stupid looking pickup you drive with the backup beeper!!!

Conservative Right Monthly-We are not only disgusted by the success of this trash, but realize that now we have to come up with a new angle on telling people how to live their lives. We would discuss the situation further, but we have lost the pool boys number, and are opening up another bank in the Cayman Islands.

These are just some of the early reviews that I thought you may enjoy!! Central v Plymouth...5:30 in the Robbinsdale Wood Bat tourney...Catch the Fever!!!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

64 Shades of Face Tan, a novella, by DL Hill

                                                                          CHAPTER I

It was a warm, muggy morning in the CR as Face Tan confidently strode across the diamond to retrieve the oppositions lineup for the big game. He had decided to bust out his infamous strut "Hitch in my giddy up", as not only was it a big game, but a game against the sun kissed lasses of Tonka. His "devil may care" outfit had taken him hours to put together...a fresh pair of Nike kicks, a super cool coaches polo and a freshly pressed pair of khaki cargo shorts with a too big belt that reminded no one but himself of his days as a lard ass. You could hear the fluttering heartbeats of the Tonka moms as he proceeded to strut his way to the 3rd base dugout...he knew what they were thinking..."look at those hands, must beg people to buy paint for a living"..."wow, I wish my husband didn't make so damn much money so we could move to the CR and hang out with that "Man candy"...or, his favorite, "damn, what outstanding penmanship"......he had these pretty little things wrapped tightly around his cute lil' pinkie, figuring it was time to bust out the 14 extra shades that he had cleverly come up with.....all he had to do was make it back across the field before anyone figured out his secret....he decided at that moment that the only way to go, was to moonwalk back to his side of the field, which drew cascades of laughter from the previously swooning hotties...what they didn't know, that Face Tan did know, is that his right buttock was much more bulbous, and truly his calling card, while his left buttock was, although still cute,  somewhat misshapen and lumpy.....oh well, thought Face Tan, guess I'll have to try my extra 14 shades on somebody else.....Central 9 Tonka 7!!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Randumb Blogs....

Random thoughts from the desk of Bloggy.....

-Bloggy is up at 3AM. Getting ready to leave for Superior by 4, so I can work until 2, to pick up the boys at school, to go to Sams Epiphany game at 4, to go home and eat, to get to Sam and Austins WhiteSox game at 8, to get home at 10, to try and get some paperwork done, to be sleeping by midnight. So a minimum of a 10 hour work day, with a couple ballgames to boot. To some that may seem crazy, to me it is the PERFECT day!!! Well, except for the working part!!

-Props to the impish one, who, quite honestly, isn't the biggest baseball fan. She is always there supporting our boys maniacal baseball habit. Also props to my favorite community for supporting the CR's maniacal baseball habit!! Also, props to nuns, who where habits!!

-I am thinking of running for office, and making jeans, hoodies and white Nikes the official outfit of our country. In the summer you would be able to replace that with shorts, t shirts and some white sneaks. Why so radical Bloggy, you may ask?!?! Because....I can't stand wearing Khakis and polos, or dress shirts...and I hate ironing!!!! I'm so glad the Blog gives me the opportunity to get this off my chest!! Remember to vote for Bloggy for Umpire Coordinator in November!!!!

-I got nuttin else.....Have a GREAT day, my lil CR peeps!!!!

Bloggy Wilf


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Bloggy's baaaaaack!!!!

It has been an eternity....3 months to be exact, since Bloggy regaled you with his wit and witticisms!!! Bloggy has been very busy with Hoops and Hardball, and that silly time waster I call employment!! But, I thought the time had come for a Bloggy return...with that said, Bloggy answers some "Letters to Bloggy"....

Dear Bloggy,
 Was that you I saw at the Virginia holiday station on Monday....Dude, nice lid!!!
V. Sassoon New York, New York
Dear V,
 It was. I had the freshly Fantastic Sam's windswept doo cooking...the best hair day I've EVER had...dang, I should have taken a picture!!

Dear Blogoyovich,
 Just wondering if you, as a man of style and culture, have any fashion tips for those struggling to stay hip in today's world?
B. Favre for Wrangler Jeans Green Bay, WI
Dear BFFWJ,
 Sooo funny you should ask! I was just telling my good friend Chris Theenz, er Tines, er Tennis the other day my newest idea. It is the reverse thong. It will be called the "Rong", and I'm thinking it will be a big hit with all the kids. I can see it now...I'm struttin' around in my 'Rong at the local beaches when I hear "Hey Bloggy, nice 'Rong" or " 'sup Blogs, that 'Rong is kickin'!!" Or, most likely, "Hit the dirt freak! That 'Rong is Wrong and we're taking you downtown!!" The PoPo is always out to stifle the fashion sense of the Blogster!!

Dear Blogenhire,
 Word on the street is that the "Hardball for Haysoos" club is off too a 1-3 start...what gives??
Skip Gardenhire, Target Field
Dear Skip,
 Seriously dude, the team we played today all drove themselves to the game!! Believe me...you know I was constantly reminding them that they were playing a bunch of 6th graders!!! Nice field Maple Grove!!! What a crap hole!!! (Can you sense my bitterness?? Actually we played pretty good considering, but MG still blows!! Maybe take some of that money you spend driving to Wayzata for the Wayzata School District you're all so enamored with, and build a baseball field, so we don't have to play on a slow pitch diamond, you clowns!!!!) Dang, that actually felt kinda good!!!

Thats all I've got for now...so, in other words, just the same old rehashed bits 3 months later!!!
As always.....CR Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bloggy




Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Blogservations....

-For what seems like the first time in a month, I get to be home during the evening.....between basketball, teaching classes on the joys of paint, overnights in my territory, and trips to Florida, it seeems like I'm never home at night lately. I will spend the evening folding clothes and watching my favorite little Spaniard light up the Charlotte Bobcats!! Ole', Ole', Ole'....Oleeeeee', Oleeeeeee'!!! First no look, behind the back, through the legs alley oop to K Love, and I'll come unglued for my little man crush!!

-Lil' Bit is off to a pedicure with a friend, and I've decided that it is time for someone to quit keeping the man down, and have a business where guys can get a dudicure. It can offer such services as nose/ear hair trimming, unsightly neck hair clean up, and even toe nail clipping. Maybe the T Wolve cheerleaders could perform some of their sparkling routines as well. Speaking of nose hairs...I purchased an electric trimmer at Target the other day, and it was like Christmas in February...I was so excited that I even told Showty....I am very easy to please!

-Stuck at 48 pounds on my Hoggybloggybiggy diet...my guess is that I won't be losing any more soon, as the 6Red Traveling Fun Show is headed to Mankato this weekend for some hoops!!! My goals are simple...many Miller Lites, but not as many as last year....reason being, it's 1 hour before the Championship game last year, and I'm holed up in the bathroom, not feeling so good...yuck!!!

-Maybe I'll do some drunken Facebook posting from the tourney, for the simple reason that it makes me laugh. As I've stated many times before...It is wayyyyyyy to short, not to have as much fun and laughs as you can!!!!

STAY SAFE ERIC!!!

Bloggykato

Monday, February 13, 2012

Why the "Nugget" is cool, reason #infinity....

So, all dudes favorite "Holiday" is coming up. Personally, I don't consider it a holiday, unless there's something in it for me, because, as you know, I'm all about me! At our house, a certain low rider has a birfday only 4 days later....aka...double the trouble!! This is why I love the Itty Bitty....she tells me she doesn't want anything, and actually means it!! I say, well, let's at least go out for dinner this week...she replies that she thinks it would be better to just wait until after Hooping for Trophies is done in a month....see, she gets it!! So I stop by my 2nd favorite store today, lets call it Target, to at least get a card (it would be #1, but man, do I like looking at the big Tvs at Best Buy...No offense to marketing guru, D Roll!!), but it was like a bunch of Joe Mauers heard there was a sale on hot tubs...people everywhere. So I will just make her a card, and I have come up with the perfect present, as all Hotties like outfits.  It is called the "Birthday Suit", and can be worn anywhere. I suggest that you work out for months on end, as it is skin tight, but will definetly turn a lot of heads. I'm not sure that it can be worn at the office, unless you have casual Fridays, where I'm pretty sure it won't be a problem. No charge for this piece of advice Dudes, as the former "Round Mound of the 28 foot bomb for 3" from the corner, always has your back!!

STAY SAFE ERIC!!!

Bloggy Vanderbilt